Where am I?

Where am I? Caught in a proverbial editorial limbo. Three versions of a single dialogue, each with its own litle twist. And I want to keep all of them. The story has some white patches and I think I have them covered… until I turn and look at them.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to decide how to pursue my other career, the one that will sustain me until my writing can do that instead. Various people have advised me to find a quiet office job that would enable me to pursue my writing career in the afternoon. It makes sense… if you plan my life with your standards. A quiet office job would quietly and surely kill me as the harmless little lies killed my marriage. I’ve been sitting down and mostly writing for a month now. And, frankly, the thought of sitting still for a living is not that appealing at all.

While I was writing my thesis paper, pushing back tears of blood, I thought: as soon as I’m done with this, I’ll be in writer heaven. Naive? Perhaps but it kept me sane. Too much reality will drive anyone mad, neh?

Make no mistake, I’ll still write. Probably more than I did so far. And publish, something I haven’t done in English yet. But this won’t be the prime achievement of my life. What I want is to be out there, solving problems. Real problems. Important problems. Problems that most people chose to walk away from. Why? Because I can. And because I want to.

I’m not 28 yet. I dare say I feel 20 years old. One day I will be a full time writer… when I’m 80 or so. I have time to change my mind ten times over. Right now I’m content to keep writing as a fun hobby.

Fiction is my playground. Let’s keep it that way.

Huh. Finished. Now what?

Well, it’s official. I’m not in school anymore. I never thought the day would actually arrive.

Instead of notebooks and piles of paper with some scribble on it, I have a single piece of paper on my desk. It says ‘graduated physicist’ on it.

Graduated. Sounds important. Sounds like I ought to know things. In fact, I know one thing only: I don’t know what to do now.

No, wait, I do. I promised to put this blog into shape, didn’t I? I don’t think I can get away from that promise. I can probably start by finding some photo of myself and gluing it here.

 

So stay tuned, two people who are reading this blog. It might get interesting…

Almost done…

…with my thesis paper that is. When it’s finished, I will be getting back to writing and also renovating this blog.

Clockworks Warrior has 15k words so far but it’s not quite finished. Neither is Arena, yet I definitely see the conclusion for both of them.

Lazy or exhausted?

I’ve scraped together my last remnants of mental energy and completed the final exams. I believe the worst of it is behind me. I have a few minor assignments to take care of and to write my bachelor’s degree. All I want to do is vegitate.

I feel like my brain is a sponge, saturated with water, leaking from every corner. And yet I try to pour more into it. When I’m not in a plant-like state, I think about where I am in life. Saying goodbye to my childhood, welcoming a grown-up’s time. I’m downcast. I feel like a huge portion of my life is ending.

I enjoyed studying. I’m simply fed up with it. I spent twenty years of my life going to school. First elementary, then high school, now university. All I want to do now (apart from loving my wife) is to write and earn enough with it that I don’t need to perform any other job. And I can’t find the energy to do it.

Should I push myself and write by force? Or should I leave myself time to rest? How much time is enough time? I’m not sure I know how to rest. I don’t want to wait and realize my brain fell asleep on me.